Monday, February 15, 2010
Barcelona to Sign Francesc Fabregas in the Summer [Satire]
The headlines tell the whole story: "Francesc Fabregas is leaving for Barca", "Cesc reaches verbal agreement with Barcelona", "Fabregas will leave Arsenal for Barca", "Barcelona set for Fabregas swoop for 50 million."
The day is tedious. The office is tedious. Arsenal lost last night. Barcelona is the same old Barcelona. Francesc Fabregas was born in Barcelona. I have no ideas, but I have to come up with an article until the end of the day.
Hold on! I will write an article about Barcelona’s desire to get Fabregas. It won’t hurt anyone as they want him anyway, and my colleagues have wasted tons of paper on the story already. And it is the truth anyway.
“On Monday, Barcelona announced that they will sign Arsenal’s skipper Francesc Fabregas. The transfer is highly desired by all surrounding the club of Barcelona. The expected transfer sum is believed to be in the region of £27 million.”
Good start. Hey, I have learned my trade well. I could have revealed that Barcelona are to hold presidential elections in June and the Fabregas issue may just turn out to be the potential stimulus for a successful election of a new president.
Hm, how do I continue? Oh, yes, I remember; Xavi Hernandez said something about Cesc a couple of days ago. I can certainly squeeze that in. It will give more credibility to my article. Hey, I’m smart.
“Barcelona’s midfielder Xavi Hernandez urged the Arsenal play-maker to join Barcelona. He said , ‘We demonstrated in the final of the European Cup that it isn’t true [that they can’t play together].
‘I especially hope that Cesc comes. He is a football player with Barca DNA and he is showing at Arsenal that he is on another level."
Good. Oh, here is that new guy.
“Good morning, John...Nothing, writing an article. You know how it is...What are you writing about today? The train crash in Belgium? Oh, good luck with that then, John. Have a nice one.”
Rookie fool. Writing about the truth is an oldie. That’s not where the honey is. He will learn when he gets a couple of knocks on his thick head. Anyway, back to work. Where was I? Yes, Fabregas and Barcelona.
“Fabregas reaffirmed his love for Barcelona, making the possibility of the move highly probable.
"I have never hidden the fact that I want to return to Barcelona. Since I was nine months old, my grandfather would take me to the Barca stadium and all my life I have worn the Blaugrna colors.”
This tiny bit that I excluded about him coming back after he retires may come back at me, but hey, I guess no one will ever notice. And I quoted him in the accepted way. That’s what matters.
“Barcelona’s aspirations for Cesc started when the Spanish U-16 national, at that time, fit the shoes of injured midfield general Patrick Vieira, managing to impress everyone with stable, quality work.
“On top of that, he set a record as the youngest player ever to play first-team football for Arsenal at the age of 16 and 177 days.
“The deal is expected to materialize in the summer.”
Job done. Print this, Mr. Editor and give me my money. I have squash at five. Hell, yeah.